Orrin, What a another great article from that wisdom vault of yours:) As always we are grateful that you are passing on to us what you are learning!!! One of the bigest obstacale's we all will have to overcome is the continuous battle that arises in us on a daily basis. In fact I have told some of my closest friends before that "you need to learn to get along with yourself because YOU are the person YOU spend the most time with throughout the day." That is a statement I have to remind myself daily because all too often it is very easy to allow those negative voices in my head become the perception of how I see myself. The fact is that we put the same value on others that we put on ourselves. For example: If we see ourselves as a "3" we will see others as a "3". I know that might sound too simple, but I think many of you would agree with me that when people come into our life all to often we tend to see others not as they are, but we see them as we are. That very statement is why we have to continually grow and keep reaching for the next rung on our leadership growth ladder so we can competently meet people on their level and influence them for the greater good. So the question begs itself; How do we continue conquering ourselves so we can focus on others? I wanted to share 5 main points we all of you that has helped me in my life. 1. Don't take yourself too seriously - I am not saying to not take your personal growth seriously, but I am saying when we see ourselves growing there is a tendency to "fix" everybody that has a problem. My belief is that as long as you keep growing personally it gets very hard to take yourself too seriously because when you are learning you realize how much you actually do not know. Whenever I feel my ego start bubbling up in my head and stomach I immediatley read a book or listen to a CD because when I learn I realize how much I don't know and I always need to remain humble because I believe only the humble will remain hungry! I say things to myself like "Matt you might be good, but you are not that good." or my favorite statement to say to myself whenever I start taking myself too seriously is "Matt are you going to get any better or is this it!" I have had some people tell me that sometimes I am way too hard on myself, but the fact of the matter is that my mission in life is to add value to other people, and I can't focus on my mission if I am always focusing on myself. When you don't take yourself too seriously you allow yourself to meet the needs of the hour in others. 2. Carry a "Velvet Covered Hammer" - being able to carry a "velvet-covered hammer" allows a person to never allow a conflict or problem mean more than the relationship. Early in my leadership journey I used to see a problem and try to give someone a seminar as to why he or she shouldn't be doing a particular thing and because of how I communicated my message it typically fell on deaf ears. The reason had nothing to with the people I was trying to help, but it had everything to do with me! I believe how you say something is more important than what you say. I am not saying you ever manipulate someone, but I am saying you need to help be a catalyst for positive change. I have learned a very valuable lesson and that lesson is: Stop trying to "FIX" people, and start serving them. In his book Winning with People, John Maxwell discusses his "Hammer Principle" which states: "If the only tool you have is a hammer, you will see every problem as a nail." That is what I mean by trying to "FIX people. Being able to think one person can "fix" someone in one hour when that person has felt the feelings he or she has been feeling for years is very naive. Change is a daily process, not a one hour "pep talk." Just like Ghandi said "be the change you want to see in the world." That statement transcends into our relationships with others. It is called the Golden Rule: Treat others the way you would want to be treated. Carrying a "velvet covered hammer" will allow us to use grace when dealing with others. When we use grace we are helping others out of love. By using a "velvet covered hammer" enables us to stand firm on character and principles, but also be compassionate to help others. The recent article by Orrin on mentoring where he talked about "when I sit down with people I want to know the good, the bad, and the ugly" has really helped me as well to make compassion the first component when dealing with others. 3. Believe the best in others - To me win-win relationships are more valuable than any type of money I will ever make. In order to have win-win relationships, we as leaders, have to intitiate the win-win. By believing the best in others we will make sure win-win relationships exist amongst those we influence. Let me explain: by believing the best in others we allow ourselves to motivate others for a mutual advantage. The root of win-lose relationships believes in manipulating others. If you are moving someone to do something for your advantage, you are manipulating them. However if you are moving someone for a MUTUAL advantage you are motivating them. The keyword is MUTUAL. Mutual means win-win. Believinig the best in others allows you to take the high road when something hurtful is done to you. When you the believe the best in others you know they have been created for greatness. The trick is to "mine the gold of talent" in others and help them fulfill that potential. People come into your's and my life for a reason. By believing the best in others you will in turn get the best from them. However it all starts with you. You cannot give your best to people you don't believe the best in! 4. Give others the benefit of the doubt - This is important because I believe no matter the person, deep down, people have intentions to do well. Many times because of their actions that is a hard sentence to digest. But it is very true. In order to have grace with others and develop good people skills we have to give others the benefit of the doubt. Think about it for a minute: Haven't their been times when you have wished other people have given you the benefit of the doubt for something you said or did? People do mess up and as long as it is not a character issue continually, my advice would always be to give someone the benefit of the doubt. Why? Because growth is a continuous process not something you arrive at. During that process you will have bumps in the road and only someone that gives you the benefit of the doubt will enable you to press forward. 5. Have Charisma with others - This gets murky because many of us believe that charisma is something people are born with and others are just born boring. Havinig charisma is not a skill as much as it is an attitude. People with charisma are other people oriented. In other words, people with charisma make other people their agenda. Charismatic people's attitude makes them take the focus off themselves and put it onto others. You have to put energy into being likeable. Great article Orrin! Best, Matt